Friday, October 29, 2010

The Five Worst Places to Meet Guys (weekly blog # 7)

Last week I wrote about the 5 worst places to meet girls. It received a good response. However, girls were asking me about the 5 worst places to meet guys. So I did some quick research and here is what I came up with.

The 5 Worst Places to Meet Guys (no particular order)

1.) At the movie, "Notebook"
At first glance this sounds like a great idea; this guy must be sensitive. However, you must remember this is a guy we are talking about. If he is going to this movie to meet girls, it is because he is out of options. This is the last attempt for this guy. He has failed everywhere else, and now has to play the sensitive emotional guy, to get a girl to talk to him.

2.) Visiting a friend in jail.
If you are talking to a friend in jail, and the guy next to him starts making eyes at you, don't batter those lashes! I know, I know, his tattoos and dangerous 'bad guy' vibe is alluring. But set the standard bar up a few notches...or in this case get a standard bar.

3.) At the drive-through window at the bank.
This sounds like a good spot. The guy works at the bank, hes got money, he's cute...but remember flirting takes time, and there is a line behind you. Don't be that annoying car that takes 20 minutes to cash a check. HONK! Hurry up! Instead go inside everyday all stalker like, until he is working at the desk. Then you can get your flirt' on.

4.) At the Hair salon, under a big dryer.
Little hint...if he is sitting under one of those big hair dryers...He's gay, keep looking.

5.) At the Santa display in the mall.
You have two options. First, you end up talking to a handsome guy waiting with his child to sit on Santa's lap. Surprised to see he is married? Really? Secondly, you happen to think that maybe Santa or one of his elves are single. Bad decision. They are elves...small elves...wearing tights. As for Santa, here is a 50-year-old, overweight man dressed up in a red suit. Not the the prime of the pickings. If you think to yourself, "Maybe I will be like one of those girls that dates the much older guy." They do that for money. This guy is not going to be rollin' the cash in. He works as a Santa in the mall. Keep looking.

As mentioned before, I am not saying it is impossible to meet Mr. Right at one of these places...it just isn't the best place to start looking for him.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

American Scream

Before you start reading this do the following:

1.) Turn off the lights
2.) Turn up the sound on your speakers
3.) Right click on the youtube video link below and open it in a new tab. Then press play (or just open it in a new tab, because it will play automatically) and come back to reading this.(it is just a song, so you don't need to watch it before reading it, rather listen to it while reading)

Right click on this, and open in new tab

Ok, now you are ready to read this week's blog.

It's back. The feeling has returned, this time it's overwhelming. Like needles poking every inch of my skin, the feeling awakened me from sleep. I want to open my eyes, but that feeling chokes off my courage, and common sense. "Something is out there, you're being watched," it screams into my mind.
Aftermath of a bad dream, I tell myself. Yet, the feeling remains. What time is it? Is it morning? If I open my eyes, I will see my digital clock and it's illuminated red numbers will answer these questions. All I need to do is turn my head and look. "Don't open your eyes, it's still out there, still watching you," the feeling presses.
Don't be silly, I tell myself. Nothing is out there, nothing is "watching" you. I open my eyes. Slowly, my eyes adjust to the dark. My head is facing the wall next to my bed, with the light from my basement window shining onto it. The strange feeling that woke me up remains. Blankly staring at the wall, I try to remember when I have felt this not-so foreign feeling before. The sound of a footstep jerks my attention. Another footstep. The source of the sound blocks the light from the window. A image of a shadow begins to form, growing as it moves closer to my window, to me. Someone is watching me. The feeling was right.
My mind races. Where is the nearest weapon? Will I have time to get to it? Is it just a trick of the mind? If only I could turn my head and look around my room. Then I could see who or what it is.
An idea enters my head, the thing doesn't know I am awake. Is it worth the risk?
I slowly turn my head around, until my left ear and eye press against the pillow. Slowly, I open my left eye, my eyelid grazes the pillow case. Though my vision is blocked, I begin to make out details in my room; my dresser, my desk and chair come begin to take shape.
The quickening breath is the only sound I hear. It can hear me, it knows I am scared. It's coming for me.
"Focus," I tell myself. Don't panic. The only way I can know what's there, is by turning my head towards my window. It could be nothing...but then again what if it's not?

The song has probably stopped, so here is a link to another song. Do as you did before by right clicking on the link, and opening it in a new tab. Then press play and read on. (if the song is still going, switch songs anyways...)

Right click on this and open in new window

The feeling became stronger. Don't turn your head. But I needed to see who or what it is. A sound of movement comes from the window. I begin turning my head. I see the corner of the window. I stop. I close my left eye all to but a small slit, barely enough to see. I keep turning my head until the back rests against my pillow. I see the figure, next to my window. Who is it I ask as I squint to focus. The rough details of his face, his scruffy beard, his dark eyes begin to clear in my vision. He turns his head side to side, searching my room. A dog barks. He turns to the sound as my eyes are forced upon. Before I have time to think, he turns back, looking straight at me. "Close your eyes!" my mind shouts, but fear overcomes reason. We stare at each other. Then he slowly gets ups, his eyes still locked on mine. He straightens up, looks to both sides, and starts walking away....

This is a true story. I ended up running to my parent's room, recounting everything to my dad. We turned on all the lights, and then with makeshift weapons checked the back and front yard, but he was nowhere to be found. I learned a lesson; never ignore that feeling again.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The Five Worst Places to Meet Girls (weekly blog # 6)

It can happen anywhere. It might happen at the library while studying. Or, it could happen at church. Depending on your confidence and luck, You could get a cutie's number and a date wherever you go. However, just because it can happen anywhere, doesn't mean that every place is ideal. In fact, there are a number of places that I can think of, that would be better not to try; for time's convenience, I will name five in no particular order.
1. On the internet...while playing World of Warcraft
Hands down this is not a good place to try to put on the moves for several reasons. Not only do you have no idea what she looks like (she is not an elf), but you also know what she does at 1:30 a.m. on a Tuesday. While this is every nerd's dream...it has only happened once in documented history. Save the pick up lines for the next star wars convention.
2. At the store...in the wart medicine isle.
Guys (or girls)don't try this one. Even if a hottie comes up next to you and starts browsing. Let's just pretend that you do happen to start up a conversation; you exchange a few jokes, she smiles. Chances are she won't fall for the "I'm buying it for my roommate" line. Yet, if she does, the question should by now pop in your mind...why is she in this isle? She must have warts too. It is scientific fact that if she has warts she is a witch. You don't want to date a witch.
3. At a family reunion
Enough said...unless you are from Alabama.
4. At the Laundry Mat
Everybody has a favorite shirt, or outfit. Yet on the other hand, everybody has that one shirt or outfit that they don't want to wear...until there are no clean clothes; the laundry day outfit. When it comes done to it, you want to be on your game, playing your strengths to get that number. Sweat pants and that "Idaho is the bomb" shirt don't help your chances.
5. At Lamaze class
Here at BYU some guys take marriage and family, or elementary education classes because of the positive girl-to-guy ratio. On that same thought, I signed up for a Lamaze class. Bad decision. all the girls were either married or dating some French guy named Fiance. Needless to say I did not get any date out of that class. But I did learn to breath properly.
I want to clarify myself, It is possible to meet the girl of your dreams at any of these places. But when trying to up your odds of Friday night adventure, it is best not to start at one of these five places.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

All the small things

I reached into my pocket and found 20 dollars. Wow, it was like finding money, literately. It was the highlight of my week. Certain people would say that is sad, but I believe that the small things make a day (or a week). Who can argue against that when a small plate of cookies is left on your table?
When one thinks about it, Christmas is based on that principle (that and the whole tradition/religion thing...). Children wake up and find presents under a tree upon a cold Christmas tree. It doesn't matter what present you get, some random person (Santa Clause) left a wrapped gift for you.
So based on that principle, I decided to make someone's day. I started thinking where can I make a difference. Then I noticed, anything related to hunger and food, is a good choice. The next question was where would I find hungry people on a college campus...it would be near impossible. Then while walking in a hall, I noticed a line to a vending machine. That's it, the gold mine; the last resort to quiet a loud obnoxious stomach. So, later that day when there was no one around, I bought three items (a candy bar, some chips, and a cookie) and never reached in to get them. I left with the knowledge that some lucky hungry person would walk sullenly up to the vending machine, counting the change in their hands, contemplating what item would best stop the hunger. I don't know who was the eventual person to get the gift, but I hope it made their day.