MTV, How the world changes...(weekly blog #4)

I was a deprived child growing up. Unlike the majority of kids my age, I did not have cable television. I was too young to pose the great question, "why me", yet I still felt its affects. In many conversations, I sat alienated amongst a crowd of teenagers; I was the silent participant nodding along, trying to pretend I knew what was being said.
College opens many doors; one door it opened was the door to cable. Finally in my twenties was I able to regularly view, if I so wished, the programs and channels that so commonly filled mindless night conversations. The big TV options were now in my living room; MTV, VH1, Disney, Travel, Discovery, History and many more. However time has changed, and TV along with it.
When I was young MTV was the music television channel. It showed music videos all day long, while featuring interviews with many popular bands. It became big enough that MTV bought a second channel, MTV2. Music was available to the young public. Then reality TV was invented. Suddenly, the mixture of emotions so often put into song were not enough for the young teenage generation, they needed additionally to see the emotion. MTV began filling its hours with fictitious, monotonous reality shows; Big Brother, The Real World (an ironic name to the fact that it was in now way what it implied), Road Rules and so much more. It wasn't long until MTV and MTV2 were no longer music television...but rather reality television.
Yesterday while browsing the channels, I came to realize that MTV and MTV2 have made yet another shift. Now they aren't filled with reality TV shows featuring the regular Jane and Joes', but instead the used-to-be celebrities. They shifted from MTV, music television; to MTV, reality television; to MTV, celebrities last chance to stay in the spotlight.
Why am I ranting on about some needless subject like this? The answer is simple; MTV should change its name. It shouldn't be called the music TV channel if it has nothing to do with music! That is like calling the food network channel the cartoon network. The name is confusing, misleading, and worse of all, distracting to thousands of regular people. The name is forcing people like you and I to think on this stupid matter instead of worth-while productive things like work, or snowboarding.
In conclusion, I quote the song "Title and Registration" written by the famous band Death Cab for Cutie, while taking the liberty to switch a word of two. I think they would agree with my switch, if not have meant it in the first place. "The channel MTV, is inaccurately named and everybody knows it. So I'm proposing a swift orderly change, because on the screen there is no music to be seen. All that's left are memories of better times."
I am not out to change, just the name of a TV channel.

Math Can Get Worse? (Weekly Blog 3)

Mrs. Jergenson had the power to tear a yellow pages phone book in half! If that didn't scare the wits out of young junior-high teenagers, the fact that she taught pre-algebra did. She was no taller than 5'6", weighing in a rough estimate of 250 lbs (give or take 100 lbs). Her short quaggy arms capable of phone-book-tearing power were of no match to her scowl. One sarcastic or ill timed comment during class was all it took before the wrath was unleashed upon the entire group. Needless to say, it was an often quiet and anxiety filled 50 minute period. However, that is not why I don't like math.
Truth be told, I have never enjoyed math. I understand it. I can do it. I usually don't have a problem finding the logical solutions to those quirky worded conundrums. Yet, I have never had the satisfaction that some attain from its ordered structure. A friend of mine often said, "Working on a math problem is like sculpting a sculpture, you become more intrigued and passionate the farther along you get until you finally finish. Then you can sit back and admire the beauty of what you have done." Hmmm. I would say sculpting is more like sculpting. Math is more like busy number work. Yet despite all my disinterest with math, we have always had a professional relationship. That is until math met Facebook.
Before math became involved with Facebook, she was very predictable. 1 + 1 = 2, 2 + 2 = 4 ETC. However, after their short courtship math began to become quite unpredictable, illogical, and concerned with non-important details and problems. Anyone that has used Facebook knows of what I speak. Here are a couple examples of common math "problems and solutions" as seen when the two are together;

(a) 1 gallon of ice cream + 1 bottle of chocolate sauce + A romantic comedy = The best pity party ever!
(b) The Alpha-Beta girls + Hot basketball team - homework = A Saturday night to remember!

As you can see this makes no logical sense. Ever since meeting Facebook, math has been caught up in the need to feel accepted by pop culture and has tried hard to appeal to its superficial needs. I fear that this relationship is destructive to Math's self esteem. Soon she is going to be so confused with who she is. It won't be long until these simple (yet very stupid) expressions of pop culture math are going to become worse like;

1 Pair of high heels + short shorts/ A lady Gaga CD + f (the derivative) of my favorite lip gloss - cutesy socks^ (to the power of)fuzzy pink = Girls night out!

People, we can't let this happen. We can't sit back and let this destructive relationship tear away at Math. We must get Math back to where she was before that fateful meeting of Facebook. We need to separate them in the most awkward way possible so that they won't be able to stand being in the same room together. We need to do what's best for them both! Who's with me? (This is the part where you enthusiastically raise your fist in the air and give your most Brave-heart-like 'Yeah').

Extended Refrigerator syndrome (weekly Blog 2)

Last week I wrote on the amazing and natural phenomenon I refer to as the Refrigerator syndrome. It states simply that, any person within the means of ones' own kitchen, without the preoccupation of an imperative or dominating task, will open the refrigerator upon the path of passing it. After discovering and proving this a true theory, I began seeing other likewise patterns of the refrigerator syndrome in other aspects of life. One could argue that they are in need of separate theories, but the connection and similarities these instances have with the refrigerator syndrome indicate that they may just be branches to this idea.
One such branch I discovered on a quiet Wednesday afternoon. While in the process of researching world renowned animal-based holidays on the internet, I found that I was frequently checking my Gmail account. I took a short break from my research. Upon my return, the first thing I did was check my email. Within 20 minutes of being on the internet, I checked it another 5 times. It struck me. Can this have any correlation with my famous refrigerator syndrome? There were definite similarities....every time I pass the fridge I open it, every time I open a new internet browser I check my email. Like the fridge, If I pass by it (the gmail tab) and I am not doing anything constructive, I open it up. There usually isn't anything interesting in either, except junk food and junk mail, and many such similarities.
The logic is so conclusive that I have adapted the refrigerator theory to email; any person within the means of ones' own internet browser, without the preoccupation of an imperative or dominating task, will check their email.
Though this extended theory has not been tested on a wide range, ask yourselves as readers if you are a contradiction to this natural human behavior. Open the internet and after a time close it. If you have checked your email within that range of time, then you are another testament to this idea. If you successfully open and close the internet several times without checking your email (note all this must be done without the conscious effort to avoid doing it) then you may have just ruined my life's work. Then you can feel really good that you have crushed my dream.

Refridgerator Phenomenon (Weekly Blog 1)

I walked past my refrigerator on a lazy Tuesday afternoon and opened it. To my dismay, I found that there was nothing alluring or interesting inside; a cartoon of milk, some old bread and some butter (which could claim longer residency in our apartment than we could). In disappointment, I closed the fridge and continued my search elsewhere. After opening all of the cabinets, I walked beside the fridge and opened again. Surprise, surprise still nothing noteworthy in it. I continued my search, pouring myself some water, and prowling through my roommate's cabinets. After extensive calculation that everything worth eating would surely not go unnoticed to my friend, I closed the cabinet drawer. I walked past the fridge again and before I knew it I had opened it. It was as if my subconscious installed a beam of hope that somehow this 'mystical cold box' had magically become filled with treasure.
It was then that I noticed the strange fridge phenomenon; whenever one walks past the fridge, assuming that he/she is not rushed with another task, they will open it despite any number of previous attempts. As in the story above, logically I knew that there was no food within the fridge. With quick reasoning I could deduct that no new food would magically appear with another attempt. Yet, the result with each pass of the fridge was the same; realization followed be disappointment.
After additional observation I realized that one did not even need to be hungry for this phenomenon to occur. I found myself opening the fridge with each passing, after eating dinner, late at night and even on the phone ordering a pizza.
This fact intrigued me, so additional research became imperative. I gathered statistics from a random sample of my roommates that were home. The results were the same. A larger sample was taken; friends of mine that were in attendance at a local party. Not surprisingly, the results affirmed my theory. A final survey was conducted over a three week span. Every conversation I had with people involving the subject of food led to a small survey regarding the fridge. The final results were staggering. The surveys showed an amazingly strong correlation with the number of times passed by the refrigerator and amount of times opening it. The factors that seemed to drive these results were as follow; hunger, boredom, talking on the phone, cooking something in the microwave, and midnight wandering of the house. Naturally there were outliers, 2 such male participants were reported to open the refrigerator multiple times with a single passing, While on the other extreme, one female participant reported she had only opened the refrigerator twice in her life.
As could be expected the number of cases proving this theory rose dramatically with awakened awareness. The survey participants continually phoned my office number (cell phone) with exciting stories of how they have just accidentally opened the refrigerator 7 times in the course of 10 minutes. As one can imagine, these messages brought me an indescribable joy with additionally excitement that we were finally on the verge of fully understanding the subconscious mind within the kitchen setting.
In an effort to rise public awareness, I have simplified my refrigerator phenomenon theory as follows; any person within the means of ones' own kitchen, without the preoccupation of an imperative or dominating task, will open the refrigerator upon the path of passing it. Not surprisingly, further research is being conducted as we speak to explain this strange act of human nature.