Math Can Get Worse? (Weekly Blog 3)

Mrs. Jergenson had the power to tear a yellow pages phone book in half! If that didn't scare the wits out of young junior-high teenagers, the fact that she taught pre-algebra did. She was no taller than 5'6", weighing in a rough estimate of 250 lbs (give or take 100 lbs). Her short quaggy arms capable of phone-book-tearing power were of no match to her scowl. One sarcastic or ill timed comment during class was all it took before the wrath was unleashed upon the entire group. Needless to say, it was an often quiet and anxiety filled 50 minute period. However, that is not why I don't like math.
Truth be told, I have never enjoyed math. I understand it. I can do it. I usually don't have a problem finding the logical solutions to those quirky worded conundrums. Yet, I have never had the satisfaction that some attain from its ordered structure. A friend of mine often said, "Working on a math problem is like sculpting a sculpture, you become more intrigued and passionate the farther along you get until you finally finish. Then you can sit back and admire the beauty of what you have done." Hmmm. I would say sculpting is more like sculpting. Math is more like busy number work. Yet despite all my disinterest with math, we have always had a professional relationship. That is until math met Facebook.
Before math became involved with Facebook, she was very predictable. 1 + 1 = 2, 2 + 2 = 4 ETC. However, after their short courtship math began to become quite unpredictable, illogical, and concerned with non-important details and problems. Anyone that has used Facebook knows of what I speak. Here are a couple examples of common math "problems and solutions" as seen when the two are together;

(a) 1 gallon of ice cream + 1 bottle of chocolate sauce + A romantic comedy = The best pity party ever!
(b) The Alpha-Beta girls + Hot basketball team - homework = A Saturday night to remember!

As you can see this makes no logical sense. Ever since meeting Facebook, math has been caught up in the need to feel accepted by pop culture and has tried hard to appeal to its superficial needs. I fear that this relationship is destructive to Math's self esteem. Soon she is going to be so confused with who she is. It won't be long until these simple (yet very stupid) expressions of pop culture math are going to become worse like;

1 Pair of high heels + short shorts/ A lady Gaga CD + f (the derivative) of my favorite lip gloss - cutesy socks^ (to the power of)fuzzy pink = Girls night out!

People, we can't let this happen. We can't sit back and let this destructive relationship tear away at Math. We must get Math back to where she was before that fateful meeting of Facebook. We need to separate them in the most awkward way possible so that they won't be able to stand being in the same room together. We need to do what's best for them both! Who's with me? (This is the part where you enthusiastically raise your fist in the air and give your most Brave-heart-like 'Yeah').